Why is it that bad things are so addictive? Weakness? Insecurities? Satan? Or do they only become bad once they become addictive? People? Drugs? Love?
Growing up we always hear people telling us that “Someday you’ll understand” but that day never actually comes. Nobody fully comprehends why they got hurt, or why they got hooked, or why anything ever happened. There are excuses. Oh so many excuses. There are paths to other avenues. A path we have to endure to get from A to B. We blame everyone for a long, long time. We start with ourselves “I’m so stupid! Stupid stupid stupid!”…then we blame God, “Why God why me why me??” then we blame the thing “It’s all your fault!!!”. Then we move on… and that major, huge issue in your life becomes a distant memory, with an ever so slight, painful twinge every time you think about it. Then we beg for our memory to forget it.
Then the hallucinations come. The story in your head of you going back to it, her, him, them. The satisfaction. The momentary joy. Momentary not lasting. Lasting joy comes from peace. And with an addiction, life is never peaceful. Bearable yes. But not peaceful.
Don’t worry. Someday you’ll understand.